Not About Them, Not Around Them

I always thought I needed someone to get through life

I always thought I needed a man

I never, for one second, believed I could do on my own

Being alone, well for that, I had no plan.

 

Time was given to me

To prove that I only needed myself

I only needed my existence, my support and my belief

In my own self.

 

I used to write love poems

About how a woman needed the love of the man

How she is heartbroken by his “masculine” behavior

Of that kind of poetry, I was a fan.

 

But I grew up

I understood that life doesn’t revolve around the one who

Wouldn’t take the blame for eating the fucking apple

It doesn’t revolve around Adam and his descendant

Women could live happily independent.

 

Life wouldn’t end or stop

Because the absence of what he calls himself a ‘man’

It would simply go on

They are not, were not, won’t be the center of life.

no mann

 

Only You

Life isn’t fair, it isn’t easy

It cannot be compared to anything

It’s hectic, it’s crazy

Nothing stays the same

Everything changes

Sometimes they get worse

And sometimes they become easier

So, get up little girl

For life still awaits for you

Putting yourself in a corner won’t solve it

Waiting for someone to come along

and make life better is useless

Only you can change it

Only you can save yourself

Only you can help yourself survive it

No one but you.

Only you

 

 

Do You Know This Feeling Too?

Do you know that feeling
Of being chocked
Out of breath and struggling for air
But there are no hands around your neck?
Do you know that feeling of being chased
And followed every step you take
But when you turn around
There’s no one bu your goddamn shadow
And you can’t even control it
like it was some sort of a wild snake?
Have you even been anxious all the time
like your life is on the line if you did anything wrong?
Have your emotions been in control for so long
That you don’t notice that they are causing you suffering?
When was the last time you’ve been okay?
When was the last time you’ve had a good night sleep?
How many times do you wake up at night?
Unable to calm yourself down
and feeling like you are drowning so deep
that its too late to pull yourself up?
Do you have irrational fears like I do?
They’re rational for me but not you
Are you afraid of butterflies?
Because I am and of paper cuts too
Do you feel all eyes on you when walk into to a place?
Its a freaking shop and not a stage.
Do you feel them staring at your face?
Does it make you feel like some kinda freak?
That your voice starts to creak
Whenever you try to speak?
Maybe you do and maybe you don’t
But when I tell you these thing
Please don’t look at me like I am a weird statute in a museum
Don’t look at me with judgmental eyes
If you’re not comfortable just say it
Don’t shower me with lies.DYKTFT

 

 

 

 

Love Thyself

I used to have these feelings a while ago

but now everything has changed

I picked up the phone and called you, I said hello

but you didn’t answer

I just wanted to tell you that every memory of you, in my mind, is gone

I didn’t want you to call anymore

I didn’t want to make an effort at all

I could feel your wordless heavy breathing chocking me

Like chains around my neck, on my chest

I wanted to end this as soon as I could

The negativity I sensed through the phone

Picked on my every nerve

Then you replied, after what it feels like eternity

I told you what I feel, and you thought I lost my sanity

I told you this:

I found someone better

I found someone who can cheer me up

Light everything in the dark

I found someone that makes me happy all the time

That someone never allows me to cry

That someone makes me smile

That someone is me

I believe in myself, I love myself

See, I would never accuse myself of being insane

I believe in myself

I am my number 1 fan

I can light a darkness

I can make myself happy

I do not need anyone but me and myself

I only need to love and respect myself

Only when I did that

I knew how worthless you are

How cruel and degrading you were with me

and I deserve better

I want better

and who else is better than me?Love Thyself