Not About Them, Not Around Them

I always thought I needed someone to get through life

I always thought I needed a man

I never, for one second, believed I could do on my own

Being alone, well for that, I had no plan.

 

Time was given to me

To prove that I only needed myself

I only needed my existence, my support and my belief

In my own self.

 

I used to write love poems

About how a woman needed the love of the man

How she is heartbroken by his “masculine” behavior

Of that kind of poetry, I was a fan.

 

But I grew up

I understood that life doesn’t revolve around the one who

Wouldn’t take the blame for eating the fucking apple

It doesn’t revolve around Adam and his descendant

Women could live happily independent.

 

Life wouldn’t end or stop

Because the absence of what he calls himself a ‘man’

It would simply go on

They are not, were not, won’t be the center of life.

no mann

 

Only You

Life isn’t fair, it isn’t easy

It cannot be compared to anything

It’s hectic, it’s crazy

Nothing stays the same

Everything changes

Sometimes they get worse

And sometimes they become easier

So, get up little girl

For life still awaits for you

Putting yourself in a corner won’t solve it

Waiting for someone to come along

and make life better is useless

Only you can change it

Only you can save yourself

Only you can help yourself survive it

No one but you.

Only you

 

 

Do You Know This Feeling Too?

Do you know that feeling
Of being chocked
Out of breath and struggling for air
But there are no hands around your neck?
Do you know that feeling of being chased
And followed every step you take
But when you turn around
There’s no one bu your goddamn shadow
And you can’t even control it
like it was some sort of a wild snake?
Have you even been anxious all the time
like your life is on the line if you did anything wrong?
Have your emotions been in control for so long
That you don’t notice that they are causing you suffering?
When was the last time you’ve been okay?
When was the last time you’ve had a good night sleep?
How many times do you wake up at night?
Unable to calm yourself down
and feeling like you are drowning so deep
that its too late to pull yourself up?
Do you have irrational fears like I do?
They’re rational for me but not you
Are you afraid of butterflies?
Because I am and of paper cuts too
Do you feel all eyes on you when walk into to a place?
Its a freaking shop and not a stage.
Do you feel them staring at your face?
Does it make you feel like some kinda freak?
That your voice starts to creak
Whenever you try to speak?
Maybe you do and maybe you don’t
But when I tell you these thing
Please don’t look at me like I am a weird statute in a museum
Don’t look at me with judgmental eyes
If you’re not comfortable just say it
Don’t shower me with lies.DYKTFT

 

 

 

 

Love Thyself

I used to have these feelings a while ago

but now everything has changed

I picked up the phone and called you, I said hello

but you didn’t answer

I just wanted to tell you that every memory of you, in my mind, is gone

I didn’t want you to call anymore

I didn’t want to make an effort at all

I could feel your wordless heavy breathing chocking me

Like chains around my neck, on my chest

I wanted to end this as soon as I could

The negativity I sensed through the phone

Picked on my every nerve

Then you replied, after what it feels like eternity

I told you what I feel, and you thought I lost my sanity

I told you this:

I found someone better

I found someone who can cheer me up

Light everything in the dark

I found someone that makes me happy all the time

That someone never allows me to cry

That someone makes me smile

That someone is me

I believe in myself, I love myself

See, I would never accuse myself of being insane

I believe in myself

I am my number 1 fan

I can light a darkness

I can make myself happy

I do not need anyone but me and myself

I only need to love and respect myself

Only when I did that

I knew how worthless you are

How cruel and degrading you were with me

and I deserve better

I want better

and who else is better than me?Love Thyself

 

 

Hey Papa

I kept your picture in my head

I always remember what you said

I breathe your inspiration

By your grave, I’m standing ovation

I’ll always be grateful to you

I was truly lucky to have you

 

Walking beside the river

You think I’ll forget you, but never

Never can I forget you, Papa

You were there every time I fell

Life without you is more like hell

You comforted me through the sound of thunder

Your words were always tender

 

You always tried to raise me better

But then you quit my life, I thought you were no quitter

I hope you find peace wherever you are

You were and will always be my shining star

When I’m on my knees praying, I swear I mention you

I  ask God to protect you

But then I remember, he’s the one that took you

 

You went up like a white angel

In my life, you left a hole

Now, without you, I feel like I am some kind of stranger

May he whoever took you away,

Protect your kind soul

Until we meet again.

 

dada 1

A Day of their Lives

I had a dream
A dream of a world that I’ve never seen
The sky was brighter
The streets were lighter
The sun was shiner
The moon was higher
Love was there
It was filling the air
Everything was right
You could sleep peacefully at night
Children were no longer living on the streets
Sleeping in the alleys in the cold with no sheets
Homeless people living in shelters
Away from the cold in the icy winters
Then I woke up
And everything had stopped
I walked again in the streets
Looking at people can’t find anything to eat
Heard the bullet shots
Saw the dead bodies spots
I closed my eyes
I wished it was all lies
All I saw was stupid black dots
Everybody hates everybody’s guts
Killing , assaulting , hating
Nothing have left but waiting
Waiting for the world to wake up
Waiting for someone to stand up
Looking at this world
Tried to describe without finding the words
Most of the world is not even aware
About what is happening to these people. It’s just not fair
He was just a little kid
He was working instead

Instead of enjoying his childhood part
He got a shot straight to the heart
while selling tickets at the station
Trying to earn money to have education
Somebody find a solution
Let us start are revolution
Children , mothers and fathers are dying
Babies in the streets are wining
Somebody help them stop this brutality
This can’t be called nothing but insanity
We watch this everyday
Their lives now are what they pay
They dream about a better life
A life doesn’t hurt like a knife
They want the same as others
They want a life full of colors
They’re sick of black, yellow and redmona-lisa-bazooka-banksy
They keep hanging on faithfully
Every morning, they drive their cars hopeful
That everyday will be a better day
And time will wash thier pain away

New Isn’t Always Better

It wasn’t until late at night

When he received her phone call

He opened his eyes in the dark

Heart racing, out of sight

Running down the hall

The dog starts to bark

Darkness and loudness were the worst combination

For he was still not awake nor fully asleep

But he surely didn’t know what to feel

He heard her voice, She told him her location

Silently, he begins to weep

After years of hoping to find her

Nights spent looking for her

He couldn’t tell if it was real

He thought he’d never hear her voice again

Spent hours thinking about the things he would say to her

And once he did, he was out of speech

He headed to the station

She was there sitting and waiting

Her face pale with no apparent emotions

He was afraid to come closer

As if between them there was a grating

She looked at him in colorless eyes

Full of tears, in disguise

She stood and approached him to reveal the black tight dress

It was his favorite, suddenly he recalled the bliss

The bliss he was living with her

But that was no longer her

She was different, the way she looked, the way she smelled

The way she felt against his lips

It was not her

She was long gone in the world that she apparently have chosen

He hugged her, not knowing what to do

She was cold as ice, tasted like poison

And he should have known enough

She was not the person he knew

She was someone new

And that someone fed him bullets in the heart

Pistols ripped his soul apart

Leaving him on the ground

Eyes shut

Listening to her heel’s sound

Disappearing in the dark

He went back to sleep, but this time it was serene.

Photography by Nigel Tomm

Photography by Nigel Tomm